Taken in the early November period:

"Beer kills brain cells, but only the weak ones."
(Update 11-7-01) Beer does not infact completely discriminate and will kill all motor function areas it encounters, i.e. the bed making area)

"When you REALLY think about it, you are more likely to win the lottery than you are to get someone (he didn't want to exclude anyone) pregnant. But in practice, significantly less people win the lottery."

"Injecting chloroplasts into people's skin should be done. If people are able to make their own food, consumption would decrease by at least 60%. Sure people would be green, but they would accept it when we are all green."

"I think I just burnt my foot, and I'm too stupid to realize it"

"I find that to be ingenious, and by ingenious I mean not genious"

"...before you use the microwave, please allow me to set my watch ahead 5 minutes"

The introduction of a microwave in our room, and locating in very close proximity to his head, has given Chris a significant subject to gripe about.

Theory #1:

This device is slowly turning his brain into a tumor infested, Hiroshima victim looking, piece of hamburger.

Theory #2:

He has observed large time gaps he directly attributes to chromo-distortions caused by the microwave.

Corollary 2.1:
By harnessing the time altering abilities of the microwave, he will go back in time to an unspecified time period and buy stocks in favorable companies, most heavily in Microsoft, thus making Bill Gates his bitch.